Tag Archives: fashion statement

i’m getting a haircut tomorrow

I desperately need a haircut. My ponytail is starting to look like a legitimate horse’s tail. In fact, I don’t like that I have a ponytail in the first place. So I scheduled an appointment at Hair on Earth and hopefully it will be awesome.

Normally, when I go to Lisa (my stylist at home) I just trust her to do something fantastic, and she always has. She convinced me to try bangs for the first time in ten years. She helped me construct my favorite style ever – blonde and fire-engine red streaks. I love her. I don’t know the people I’m going to tomorrow, so I figure I should probably come up with something other than “eh, just do something cool.” So I came up with this:

1. No longer than shoulder-length.
2. Full bangs are out of the question.
3. I must be able to keep it out of my eyes easily.

Then I figured it would probably be helpful if I came up with something more specific. So I googled “hairstyles.” It came up with a lot of celebrities, high-fashion/high-maintainance, and spam. Not useful. So I tried “hairstyles for fine hair,” (because fine hair requires special treatment), which resulted in a lot more nonsense, a lot of styles that didn’t relate to fine hair at all, and a lot of contradictory statements written in disastrous grammar.

It also produced a link to finehair.com. A relatively professional website, compared to all the other ones dedicated to hair, it looked promising. I started browsing.

It appears to be one woman dedicated to working with fine hair. She developed and sells her own line of products. Her writing is pretty bad. She takes questions from The Public and answers them the best she can, nothing I haven’t heard before. I get bored of reading and head over to the photos section.

I’m expecting it to be a bunch of celebrities having nothing to do with fine hair (like on the front page), but no. These are actual customers. And they made me want to cancel my appointment tomorrow. Because if this is the revolution in fine hair, count me out.

I go for Long Hair styles first. (Please, please click these links and scroll to see the pictures. They make this whole post worth it.) These women… are all blonde. And these styles are universally unflattering. Moving onto Short Hair styles. Bunch of post-menopausal women with the traditional short, curly/wavy hair. And a man, for some reason. WOW, REVOLUTIONARY! I’VE NEVER SEEN AN OLDER WOMAN WITH HAIR LIKE THAT BEFORE!

Moving onto Curly styles. This was my favorite. I actually laughed. None of them actually have curly hair. One woman’s face is blurred out, and this girl looks like she woke up in 1993 on the Jurassic Park set during the tropical storm:
could her hair look any worse?

 

 

 

 

 

 

So I finish my laugh and skip Straight styles and head to Frizzy, because my hair does frizz! Nah, nothing interesting there. Just more middle-aged blondes.

Backing up to Straight styles even though my hair isn…HOLY SHIT! IT’S FRANZ LISZT! AND SHE’S A WOMAN!
I swear.

 

 

 

 

 

 
So if you believe in prayer, please pray for me tomorrow. Because unless it turns me into a legendary pianist, I don’t want to look like this.

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Filed under story time, this actually happened

caution: animal crossing

I had been rehearsing all morning. I was wearing a zebra-striped shirt, jeans, black flats, carrying a large black bag. It got to be about 3pm and I needed lunch. I drove home. I decided to get ingredients for soup, because soup is always awesome. This called for a trip to the Fresh Market.

I wasn’t about to go grocery shopping with my giant black bag and all its contents (binder of vocal music, various other pieces, metronome, planner, etc), so I transferred the essentials (wallet, keys, phone) to my much more reasonably-sized giraffe-print fall bag and headed out the door.

You’ve probably spotted the problem already. Long before I did. I spotted it as I parked at Fresh Market. I was wearing zebra and giraffe print. Two bold animal prints. In white/dark brown. Enough to land me on What Not To Wear. I got a few odd looks. I thanked my lucky stars I didn’t also throw on my leopard-print flats. I would have looked like the Serengeti.

On the other hand, would getting on What Not To Wear be so bad? I’m guessing they’d let me keep maybe half my wardrobe and buy me the replacement. Because frankly I can’t afford to upgrade it myself. I would undertake that beating for a new wardrobe in a heartbeat. I’ve said it before: I will happily dress like a bum for two weeks to get a new wardrobe.

So, just as a warning, if you happen to see me dressed as the Serengeti, I’ve decided that free clothes are temporarily worth more than pride. Also, please take pictures and nominate me. Thank you.

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Filed under this actually happened