Tag Archives: beer

the physics of beer

Me
okay so you’re a scientist
do you think
there is enough energy in an average ice pack

MJ
stop here
what is it made out of

Me
to take a 12oz bottle of beer and chill it to drinkable temperature?
idk, that blue stuff

MJ
the gel?

Me
yeah

MJ
probably not

Me
damn
okay

MJ
its designed to lose its heat slowly
what you want is probably something a lot quicker

Me
like a refrigerator

MJ
yeah
er, i meant gain heat
that is what i meant
but you know what i meant

Me
i mean i was just curious
yeah

MJ
plus
its a gel
so the bonds dont break as quickly and if youre wrapping it around the bottle
youre not chilling the entire bottle
youre just getting the bottom half

Me
ah
and the bottle is probably gaining heat faster than it’s losing it to the gel

MJ
yes

Me
gotcha

MJ
plus
if you have colder beer on the bottom
and warmer on the top

Me
that’s disgusting

MJ
yep
and it will try to balace itself
and the warmer beer will mix
and just bring the entire temp up
so its just lukewarm beer

Me
which defeats the purpose

MJ
and, lets be honest
it tastes like piss

Me
yep

MJ
definitely a fridge

Me
yeah i mean basically i was just wondering the best way to get a guinness into school and make/keep it cold without involving an insulated bag
cuz that’s kind of obvious

MJ
well
chill that bitch as cold as you can
and use tin foil
and slap it in your bag

Me
aaaaaah yeah
how long you think it will stay drinkably cold?

MJ
well
i dont know the specific heat of beer, but
i would assume its about the same as water

Me
right

MJ
plus, you have to factor in the glass
i mean, i could run some numbers, but
its 12am

Me
right but we’re talking about beer here
not nuclear reactions

MJ
and im not digging out a book to get an exact number on beer

Me
make a guess

MJ
right
um

Me
round to the nearest hour

MJ
well, it usually takes, what
30-45 minutes standing on a counter
to become room temp?
if youre gonna add a metal insulator
eating the heat
probably add, like
a half an hour more
depending on the layer of insulator
definitely do at least two wraps
so when you touch it, youre really adding heat to the outside layer
and the inside can still chill the booze

Me
so, two hours
ish
if it’s super cold and really well insulated

MJ
hour and a half to be safe
well, if its out of a freezer
and wrapped a few times
two hours would probably still be cool
i mean, i put my lunch in a lunch bag
and theres no fridge where i am
and i take it out at 7am
and eat it at 11 or 12
and its still ok
its not freezing

Me
right but that’s not beer
and i’m trying to avoid the lunchbag scenario
because i don’t have a lunchbag of reasonable size

MJ
definitely the tin foil

Me
mine is grocery bag size
okay

MJ
cool that shit
then wrap it
then throw it back in

Me
then don’t forget the bottle opener

MJ
so the initial cooling is the outer layer equalizing with the ambient temp

Me
aaaaaah so it has more heat to absorb

MJ
yep

Me
*more differential

MJ
it will take longer to warm up

Me
in laymen’s terms

MJ
im so glad that i have a BS in physics
a minor in math
speak an asian language
and the best use of my degree this weeknd
has been booze chilling

Me
so you can answer questions about me smuggling chilled beer efficiently
happy to help

MJ
well, i mean
its what i went to college for
might as well use it

Me
amen sista

MJ
i dont know about the bottle opener
how big is it?
cant you just slap that in your purse?

Me
pretty big
yeah
i can
but it’s not a keychain one

MJ
put it in a makeup case
bam
done

Me
awesome

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when moms call

The Alphabet Singers have been relatively nice to me this week, for which I am very thankful, since it’s been a hell of a week otherwise. Last night I decided to take some personal time, so I finally saw The King’s Speech (go see it). I made dinner, was in bed by 10, put down my book and was asleep by 11.

I woke at 8:30 and decided I wasn’t getting up just yet. At 10:17 my phone rang. It was an unfamiliar Florida number so I let it go to voicemail. I then started getting texts like crazy and wondered what the deuce everyone could want on a Saturday morning. I didn’t look at them. It had been a long enough week and could at least wait until I showered.

I finally got up around 10:40. One text was from Jeff (who will be getting a post of his own very soon) :

Jeff (10:20) I might have just sent you $? that phone call was a gig for a high schooler who needs a pianist like whoa.
Me (10:42) Oh snap thanks!

I figured he/she was doing a gig this week of some kind and needed a pianist fast. (Or maybe an audition soon.) Because that’s why high schoolers need pianists. I did laundry. I had breakfast. I showered. Around 1pm I decided I was ready to deal with it and could finally get down to business. I checked the voicemail. This is it, to the best of my memory (I have since deleted it).

Voicemail: Hi, this is Carol [or Sheryl?] Smith [possibly?] and I’m currently in the music library. My daughter is a flutist and needs an accompanimist [yep]. They said she could go in at any time. My number is xxx [pause] xxx [long pause] xx [long pause] xx. Thanks.

She sounded flustered, if not flat out desperate. And she gave me almost no information to go on, apparently assuming I knew what she knew. Which I clearly didn’t. Why are you in the music library? Where exactly was your daughter “going in?” And why at “any time?” Why not a specified time? It sounded a bit like an execution.

Then things started to click: it was apparently an audition day that I didn’t know about. Even though the last one was two weeks ago and they’re usually about a month apart? Either way. And of course it’s a mother calling, because high schoolers don’t call. And of course she couldn’t say “accompanist” or “pianist” because she’s probably never had to, and probably never seen it in print, and pianists are third-class citizens. But don’t they have pianists hired specifically for audition days? People to sit in the audition room and sightread music? What is going on?

I called and left her a voicemail, something to the effect of:

Me: Hi, this is Liz Remizowski, you called me earlier about playing for your daughter. Sorry I didn’t get the message until now. If you’re still interested I will be around the school most of the rest of the day, so just give me a call at xxx-xxx-xxxx. Thanks.

I figured it was too late by then, but what could I do. Approaching the school, the traffic jam in the parking garage confirmed that something was happening – not to mention the amount of alternately awkward/overzealous children dressed uncomfortably. I drew lots of stares from parents, with my Saranac sweatshirt, Birkenstocks, Starbucks, still-wet hair, and au naturel countenance. Yes, this is what a real college musician looks like on a Saturday.

In the library I found out today was not audition day, but “solo and ensemble day” or something to that effect, which I equated to Florida’s version of NYSSMA. Which I always try to avoid at all costs.

I never got a call back from anyone. Which at that point, I pretty much expected. But I still want to know – how do you go to a solo festival knowing you’ll need a pianist and not have one arranged somehow beforehand? Either make sure the school is providing one, your high school is providing one, or get one yourself. How does this happen?

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i don’t get it either

So tonight I’m deciding what I want for dinner. And I decide I definitely want beer, but beer does not a (complete) dinner make. So what else? Pizza.

But you know what? I won’t eat pizza alone. Pizza is a sharing food, something around which many people gather to have good times. I just can’t eat pizza by myself. I have no problem opening a beer for myself, or any other lovely beverage. But alone, a pizza I will not eat.

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why i hate accompanying

As of 10 this morning, this is what my schedule looked like.

1215. Meet with Singer A to get music.
1230. Rehearsal with Singer B. Rescheduled from yesterday.
1300. Rehearsal with Singer C.
1330. Lesson with Singer D.
1400. Meet with Instrumentalist X to get music.

This is what actually happened.

1130. Get Pumpkin Spice Latte.
1145. Begin practicing music for Singer D’s lesson.
1200. Text from Singer A requesting to meet at 1400 instead.
1207. Outgoing to text to Singer A scheduling meeting at 1430. Incoming text from Singer B canceling today’s 1230 rehearsal due to continued sickness.
1210. Incoming text from Singer B stating she may or may not be well enough for tomorrow’s lesson.
1211. Outgoing text to Singer B requesting to please let me know one way or the other before 0800 tomorrow.
1215. Call Mom to say I can’t come home for Christmas.
1250. Runthrough Singer C’s music.
1300. 15-minute rehearsal with Singer C.
1315. Runthrough Singer D’s music.
1330. Show up at Singer D’s lesson. Door is locked. Knock on door for 10 minutes. No answer.
1335. Send text to Singer D.
1340. Check email in library to make sure lesson was actually at specified time and place.
1400. Meet Instrumentalist X and get music.
1415. Notice a received text from Singer D at 1359 stating she was sick and neglected to tell me of the canceled lesson.
1430. Meet Singer A and get music.
1445. Finish Pumpkin Spice Latte. Go home. Plan to send out an email explaining if they don’t show up, they pay me. Effective tomorrow. Plan to have a beer and some food. Plan to perhaps go shopping. Plan to return later to practice. Wish these idiots had more respect for my time.

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Filed under adventures in accompanying, this actually happened

life is HARD, man

I want bar food.

It’s been the kind of day/week/month that has left me wanting some kind of “me” activity. Today really capped it off. Normally I’d go for some retail therapy, but there’s not much serious retailing to be had at 9pm and I’m a poor (ex)-college student anyway. So, next best: bar food. I want something fried and/or cheesy. Pure comfort food. Something I’d only eat when I absolutely need bar food.

So naturally I’m not going to a bar by myself. And I’m not going to go to the store and buy frozen, for several reasons. One, why do that when I can make my own? Two, preservatives and chemicals and additives. Don’t need them. Especially when I can get bar food at bars without them. Three, commitment. I really don’t want to end up with a box of a zillion mozzarella sticks in my freezer. I just want a basket of them now.

So that leaves making my own. First big problem: no deep-fryer. Second: no oil for traditional deep-frying. Third: even if I had oil, I don’t really think I’d want to experiment with deep-frying right now.

Fourth: it’s really hard to make bar food when you don’t keep snacks or junk food around, because you never eat it.

Mozzarella sticks: I have half a brick of mozzarella. Nachos: bag of old tortillas. Exactly nothing else. No cheese, no salsa, no beans, no nothing. Wings: no chicken wings, nothing for frying, no hot sauce. Fried zucchini: no zucchini. Dip of any kind: no cheese of any kind, nor anything to put in it. Fries: not one single solitary pathetic potato.

Yeah, I could go grocery shopping, but again, that would commit me to eating all these things. I can’t win. I guess I’ll be eating soup from last night again. It’s delicious, but it’s not bar food.

You know what I do have though?

Beer. I have a six-pack of Sam Adams Octoberfest. And that is about as bar-like as it gets.

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