something is wrong with me

Last night I had this dream.

It was in my parents’ kitchen. It was in the evening, in winter. The room was fairly dim. I was standing by the window behind where my mother usually sits. In my spot was my friend Sean. Sitting in my dad’s usual seat was Vladimir Putin.

Putin was offering to marry me.

Not proposing, but offering. In broken English (which I now know he speaks fluently) and some Russian (of which I don’t understand any), he explained his offer. Arrangements of living, schedule compatibility, etc. I had trained myself, as in real life, not to react, so I was listening and absorbing it. Sean was laughing about how ridiculous the whole thing was, but I gave him a look that said, “No, this is serious, he’s serious. You can laugh later, listen to what he says.” So we listened.

I don’t remember the details, but there was some friendly joking thrown in between us both, so apparently we got along fine. I considered his offer. On the one hand, former KGB Head and avowed Communist. On the other hand, rather attractive Russian man who can definitely provide for me, and he’s making a reasonable offer. I told him I’d let him know within seven days. He thanked me and said something in Russian that I took to be a familiar “farewell,” that I tried to repeat back to him, but couldn’t remember.

Then I woke up and wondered what the hell is wrong with me.

PART TWO

I told my roommate, who laughed and then pointed out that Putin is probably already married. This I confirmed via wikipedia: he’s married and has two children. However, on the opposite side of the page is a picture of him as a teenager – and he’s a dead ringer for my two (male) cousins. Rather, a cross between them. It’s really uncanny. It actually freaks me out a little bit.

Honestly, the whole thing is just messed up, beginning to end.

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