the physics of beer

Me
okay so you’re a scientist
do you think
there is enough energy in an average ice pack

MJ
stop here
what is it made out of

Me
to take a 12oz bottle of beer and chill it to drinkable temperature?
idk, that blue stuff

MJ
the gel?

Me
yeah

MJ
probably not

Me
damn
okay

MJ
its designed to lose its heat slowly
what you want is probably something a lot quicker

Me
like a refrigerator

MJ
yeah
er, i meant gain heat
that is what i meant
but you know what i meant

Me
i mean i was just curious
yeah

MJ
plus
its a gel
so the bonds dont break as quickly and if youre wrapping it around the bottle
youre not chilling the entire bottle
youre just getting the bottom half

Me
ah
and the bottle is probably gaining heat faster than it’s losing it to the gel

MJ
yes

Me
gotcha

MJ
plus
if you have colder beer on the bottom
and warmer on the top

Me
that’s disgusting

MJ
yep
and it will try to balace itself
and the warmer beer will mix
and just bring the entire temp up
so its just lukewarm beer

Me
which defeats the purpose

MJ
and, lets be honest
it tastes like piss

Me
yep

MJ
definitely a fridge

Me
yeah i mean basically i was just wondering the best way to get a guinness into school and make/keep it cold without involving an insulated bag
cuz that’s kind of obvious

MJ
well
chill that bitch as cold as you can
and use tin foil
and slap it in your bag

Me
aaaaaah yeah
how long you think it will stay drinkably cold?

MJ
well
i dont know the specific heat of beer, but
i would assume its about the same as water

Me
right

MJ
plus, you have to factor in the glass
i mean, i could run some numbers, but
its 12am

Me
right but we’re talking about beer here
not nuclear reactions

MJ
and im not digging out a book to get an exact number on beer

Me
make a guess

MJ
right
um

Me
round to the nearest hour

MJ
well, it usually takes, what
30-45 minutes standing on a counter
to become room temp?
if youre gonna add a metal insulator
eating the heat
probably add, like
a half an hour more
depending on the layer of insulator
definitely do at least two wraps
so when you touch it, youre really adding heat to the outside layer
and the inside can still chill the booze

Me
so, two hours
ish
if it’s super cold and really well insulated

MJ
hour and a half to be safe
well, if its out of a freezer
and wrapped a few times
two hours would probably still be cool
i mean, i put my lunch in a lunch bag
and theres no fridge where i am
and i take it out at 7am
and eat it at 11 or 12
and its still ok
its not freezing

Me
right but that’s not beer
and i’m trying to avoid the lunchbag scenario
because i don’t have a lunchbag of reasonable size

MJ
definitely the tin foil

Me
mine is grocery bag size
okay

MJ
cool that shit
then wrap it
then throw it back in

Me
then don’t forget the bottle opener

MJ
so the initial cooling is the outer layer equalizing with the ambient temp

Me
aaaaaah so it has more heat to absorb

MJ
yep

Me
*more differential

MJ
it will take longer to warm up

Me
in laymen’s terms

MJ
im so glad that i have a BS in physics
a minor in math
speak an asian language
and the best use of my degree this weeknd
has been booze chilling

Me
so you can answer questions about me smuggling chilled beer efficiently
happy to help

MJ
well, i mean
its what i went to college for
might as well use it

Me
amen sista

MJ
i dont know about the bottle opener
how big is it?
cant you just slap that in your purse?

Me
pretty big
yeah
i can
but it’s not a keychain one

MJ
put it in a makeup case
bam
done

Me
awesome

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