I desperately need a haircut. My ponytail is starting to look like a legitimate horse’s tail. In fact, I don’t like that I have a ponytail in the first place. So I scheduled an appointment at Hair on Earth and hopefully it will be awesome.
Normally, when I go to Lisa (my stylist at home) I just trust her to do something fantastic, and she always has. She convinced me to try bangs for the first time in ten years. She helped me construct my favorite style ever – blonde and fire-engine red streaks. I love her. I don’t know the people I’m going to tomorrow, so I figure I should probably come up with something other than “eh, just do something cool.” So I came up with this:
1. No longer than shoulder-length.
2. Full bangs are out of the question.
3. I must be able to keep it out of my eyes easily.
Then I figured it would probably be helpful if I came up with something more specific. So I googled “hairstyles.” It came up with a lot of celebrities, high-fashion/high-maintainance, and spam. Not useful. So I tried “hairstyles for fine hair,” (because fine hair requires special treatment), which resulted in a lot more nonsense, a lot of styles that didn’t relate to fine hair at all, and a lot of contradictory statements written in disastrous grammar.
It also produced a link to finehair.com. A relatively professional website, compared to all the other ones dedicated to hair, it looked promising. I started browsing.
It appears to be one woman dedicated to working with fine hair. She developed and sells her own line of products. Her writing is pretty bad. She takes questions from The Public and answers them the best she can, nothing I haven’t heard before. I get bored of reading and head over to the photos section.
I’m expecting it to be a bunch of celebrities having nothing to do with fine hair (like on the front page), but no. These are actual customers. And they made me want to cancel my appointment tomorrow. Because if this is the revolution in fine hair, count me out.
I go for Long Hair styles first. (Please, please click these links and scroll to see the pictures. They make this whole post worth it.) These women… are all blonde. And these styles are universally unflattering. Moving onto Short Hair styles. Bunch of post-menopausal women with the traditional short, curly/wavy hair. And a man, for some reason. WOW, REVOLUTIONARY! I’VE NEVER SEEN AN OLDER WOMAN WITH HAIR LIKE THAT BEFORE!
Moving onto Curly styles. This was my favorite. I actually laughed. None of them actually have curly hair. One woman’s face is blurred out, and this girl looks like she woke up in 1993 on the Jurassic Park set during the tropical storm:
So I finish my laugh and skip Straight styles and head to Frizzy, because my hair does frizz! Nah, nothing interesting there. Just more middle-aged blondes.
Backing up to Straight styles even though my hair isn…HOLY SHIT! IT’S FRANZ LISZT! AND SHE’S A WOMAN!
So if you believe in prayer, please pray for me tomorrow. Because unless it turns me into a legendary pianist, I don’t want to look like this.